When everyone is Lonely No One is Lonely ---Mahnaz Badihian
When everyone is Lonely No One is Lonely
I was one of those people who was never lonely, even in loneliness...how I can be lonely when I don’t know the most accessible person that I know. Life did not leave me a moment to be alone with her to know her.
This is the reason I have a date with “myself.” I wanted to see “myself”, talk to her, look at her eyes, hold her hands, caress her, and get to know her.
“Myself” is the one that has been with me and I have not seen her. I don’t know her. I am excited for this meeting. I was tired of loneliness. It was time to start a relation with someone. I need someone to read my poems to.
I have told her that I will be wearing a beautiful red dress. I will have a beautiful red flower on my hair and I will have beautiful red lipstick on my lips. I have told her that I will be wearing beautiful red shoes that I bought yesterday. Red shoes with open toes with my painted toenails appearing. I have told her that I will shave my legs as smooth as velvet. I will shine my legs with olive oil. I have told her I will be wearing on my cheek and neckline my favorite perfume Poison...
I will be restless when I meet her.
I have a date with" myself". Will I like her? Will she have patience to hear all I have to say? Does she like poetry? I don’t know. I have to wait to meet her.
My very soaring mirror I placed on the ground and leaned against the wall below the enclave. I put a black velvet chair right in front of the mirror. There was a small table with a few delicious chocolates I brought from Bariloche on top. The music of Dinner for Two was floating in the room.
How happy I was! I was having a date with" myself". The time of our meeting was 7:00 P.M. I shared with her that I feel lonelier in the evenings than in the mornings. I told her that is the reason to meet in the evening.
I don’t know "myself". I hope I get to know her during this meeting.
She told me she was wearing a long blue dress and she would pull her hair up with a white flower and wear blue shoes.
It was strange feeling of platonic enjoyment that I felt inside of me before our momentous meeting. I wish we could talk to each other openly. I want us to expose our naked souls. I wish we both would speak out and talk and scream! Just like Beat Poets who expressed their minds with no hesitation.
From this meeting I wanted to empty, empty out my soul.
It was getting close to 7:00 P.M... I turned off all the lights with the lingering smell of aromatic candles burning. I was numb with euphoria... I had a book and a notebook in my hand resting on the black chair in front of the mirror.
The room was empty. From the window I could see the mountains that were reaching to the sky, and the sea that at the end of the day is pouring into the sunset.
In the room there was no sound except the calming music and I was growing inpatient to meet with" myself".
But truly, why is she late?
I was outside myself waiting. I was looking at my beautiful dress, my painted nails which were coming out of my beautiful red shoes. So, where is "myself"? Why is she late?
Where is her heart and mind occupied?
I poured a cup of coffee for myself and started playing with it. There was a book in English in my hand called...I read part of it. Suddenly, a poem came to my mind named Lost Prescription. I started writing it down.
Oh, how difficult it is to wait. I have a date with "myself", why isn’t she coming?
Why is she lost?
Why is she forgetful? The mirror was empty of any images. I was surprised not to see the image of myself in the mirror. Why can’t I see the image of myself in the mirror?
Why does this mirror not show the image of myself? Why is the image of the chair visible? Why is the image of the sunset on the mirror?
I was restless. I have been waiting for this moment for a long time, the meeting of me with “myself”.
I rubbed my weary eyes and removed my glasses. I replaced it with a new pair of glasses that I had bought recently. Although I could see better but still I could not see the detail.
I was asking myself, is something wrong with me?
Have I done anything wrong?
Am I not an interesting woman? So, why has “Myself” not arrived?
Maybe this mirror is angry with me and the mirror decides on images to show or not to show.
Maybe my image is not built for a mirror.
Maybe my image is always absent.
I don’t know...
How excited I was for this meeting.
How beautiful I looked tonight.
How euphoric I am tonight. I wanted to met “Myself” and get to know her more.
Maybe I am asleep and the time for our meeting has not arrived yet?
Maybe I had an appointment with “Myself” for tomorrow and I made a mistake.
No, no. The meeting was today.
Maybe she is not fond of me.
She doesn’t know me and I don’t know her.
I don’t see "myself" in the mirror. The mirror is blind. The mirror is dark and my eyes are blind.
I looked once more into the mirror. I stared.
I saw a blue dress of an absent woman. An image with no body or a head. Only a blue dress. The breeze from the window seemed to move it. I told myself I should have stopped the music.
Maybe this music is the one that is not letting me notice the arrival of “Myself”.
Now the room was calm and quiet. The only sound was the sound of flickering candles while the perfume captured the room.
I could not even hear my breathing. My heart was quiet. Suddenly, I saw two amazed eyes in the mirror. I didn’t know those two eyes. These two eyes are strange...they are lost...disbelieving...scared...lonely...strange. I stared into those eyes. I was scared to start a conversation with her.
I was scared to initiate revealing secrets...I was scared of “Myself”. But I was happy to see two eyes in front of the eyes of myself. Two friends, two souls, two.
How familiar these two eyes were. I have seen them many years ago in the seclusion of loneliness among the unspoken words.
I said thank you for coming, you must be “Myself”? Am I right? Then, I added, I liked your blue dress.
After a long and strange silence, she said
You mean my red dress?
Then she said,
Listen I want to read you my new poem called Lost Prescription
I was one of those people who was never lonely, even in loneliness...how I can be lonely when I don’t know the most accessible person that I know. Life did not leave me a moment to be alone with her to know her.
This is the reason I have a date with “myself.” I wanted to see “myself”, talk to her, look at her eyes, hold her hands, caress her, and get to know her.
“Myself” is the one that has been with me and I have not seen her. I don’t know her. I am excited for this meeting. I was tired of loneliness. It was time to start a relation with someone. I need someone to read my poems to.
I have told her that I will be wearing a beautiful red dress. I will have a beautiful red flower on my hair and I will have beautiful red lipstick on my lips. I have told her that I will be wearing beautiful red shoes that I bought yesterday. Red shoes with open toes with my painted toenails appearing. I have told her that I will shave my legs as smooth as velvet. I will shine my legs with olive oil. I have told her I will be wearing on my cheek and neckline my favorite perfume Poison...
I will be restless when I meet her.
I have a date with" myself". Will I like her? Will she have patience to hear all I have to say? Does she like poetry? I don’t know. I have to wait to meet her.
My very soaring mirror I placed on the ground and leaned against the wall below the enclave. I put a black velvet chair right in front of the mirror. There was a small table with a few delicious chocolates I brought from Bariloche on top. The music of Dinner for Two was floating in the room.
How happy I was! I was having a date with" myself". The time of our meeting was 7:00 P.M. I shared with her that I feel lonelier in the evenings than in the mornings. I told her that is the reason to meet in the evening.
I don’t know "myself". I hope I get to know her during this meeting.
She told me she was wearing a long blue dress and she would pull her hair up with a white flower and wear blue shoes.
It was strange feeling of platonic enjoyment that I felt inside of me before our momentous meeting. I wish we could talk to each other openly. I want us to expose our naked souls. I wish we both would speak out and talk and scream! Just like Beat Poets who expressed their minds with no hesitation.
From this meeting I wanted to empty, empty out my soul.
It was getting close to 7:00 P.M... I turned off all the lights with the lingering smell of aromatic candles burning. I was numb with euphoria... I had a book and a notebook in my hand resting on the black chair in front of the mirror.
The room was empty. From the window I could see the mountains that were reaching to the sky, and the sea that at the end of the day is pouring into the sunset.
In the room there was no sound except the calming music and I was growing inpatient to meet with" myself".
But truly, why is she late?
I was outside myself waiting. I was looking at my beautiful dress, my painted nails which were coming out of my beautiful red shoes. So, where is "myself"? Why is she late?
Where is her heart and mind occupied?
I poured a cup of coffee for myself and started playing with it. There was a book in English in my hand called...I read part of it. Suddenly, a poem came to my mind named Lost Prescription. I started writing it down.
Oh, how difficult it is to wait. I have a date with "myself", why isn’t she coming?
Why is she lost?
Why is she forgetful? The mirror was empty of any images. I was surprised not to see the image of myself in the mirror. Why can’t I see the image of myself in the mirror?
Why does this mirror not show the image of myself? Why is the image of the chair visible? Why is the image of the sunset on the mirror?
I was restless. I have been waiting for this moment for a long time, the meeting of me with “myself”.
I rubbed my weary eyes and removed my glasses. I replaced it with a new pair of glasses that I had bought recently. Although I could see better but still I could not see the detail.
I was asking myself, is something wrong with me?
Have I done anything wrong?
Am I not an interesting woman? So, why has “Myself” not arrived?
Maybe this mirror is angry with me and the mirror decides on images to show or not to show.
Maybe my image is not built for a mirror.
Maybe my image is always absent.
I don’t know...
How excited I was for this meeting.
How beautiful I looked tonight.
How euphoric I am tonight. I wanted to met “Myself” and get to know her more.
Maybe I am asleep and the time for our meeting has not arrived yet?
Maybe I had an appointment with “Myself” for tomorrow and I made a mistake.
No, no. The meeting was today.
Maybe she is not fond of me.
She doesn’t know me and I don’t know her.
I don’t see "myself" in the mirror. The mirror is blind. The mirror is dark and my eyes are blind.
I looked once more into the mirror. I stared.
I saw a blue dress of an absent woman. An image with no body or a head. Only a blue dress. The breeze from the window seemed to move it. I told myself I should have stopped the music.
Maybe this music is the one that is not letting me notice the arrival of “Myself”.
Now the room was calm and quiet. The only sound was the sound of flickering candles while the perfume captured the room.
I could not even hear my breathing. My heart was quiet. Suddenly, I saw two amazed eyes in the mirror. I didn’t know those two eyes. These two eyes are strange...they are lost...disbelieving...scared...lonely...strange. I stared into those eyes. I was scared to start a conversation with her.
I was scared to initiate revealing secrets...I was scared of “Myself”. But I was happy to see two eyes in front of the eyes of myself. Two friends, two souls, two.
How familiar these two eyes were. I have seen them many years ago in the seclusion of loneliness among the unspoken words.
I said thank you for coming, you must be “Myself”? Am I right? Then, I added, I liked your blue dress.
After a long and strange silence, she said
You mean my red dress?
Then she said,
Listen I want to read you my new poem called Lost Prescription